The QuaranTEENS

We’ve been quarantined for more than a month now, maybe even more, I’m no longer counting the days . I must have lost the track of time. I don’t even know what day it is. My days are all very similar. Nothing really excites me. I don’t really have anything relevant to tell or share. In my opinion, we all started to feel like a routine. We were told that quarantine will be over on may 11th . But it wasn’t clear enough, we don’t know yet in which conditions we will go back to school, or how. It’s kind of messy and we are in the middle, waiting for answers. In the meantime, I got back to what I really like and really make me happy when I was younger and had more free time, which are computers and video games. I spend most of my time doing video and audio editing in order to improve my skills, also playing video games and trying to be better or even the best !

This quarantine has been giving value to our freedom, to all the people we miss (family, friends…), to everything we love. I’ve been confined with my family which is composed of 8 persons. It’s driving all of us crazy. We really need to go out and see others faces

As I said in a previous post, I found a camera, as we have time with containment I decided to take some pictures.

To do this I had to first get to grips with the features of the camera and then research some photography tips. I looked at several articles on different styles of photography but the one that attracted me the most was on portrait photos of people. Since I can’t go out of my house or take pictures of my friends, I decided to take pictures of myself with the means I had.

I am proud of the result and I think I have found a new passion to do in my life during confinement and after confinement, that confinement can bring beautiful things.

It’s now been a whole month since quarantine has started , and hopefully it won’t last much longer . If everything goes as planned , we should be able to go back to school on the 11th may . At least , it will be better than home classes . My life is feeling quite repetitive , i do almost the same things everyday , it’s getting on my nerves . Luckily or not , i have a lot of time to develop my skills at cooking or other things but i wish i could instead hang out with my friends . I miss those days where we weren’t locked in our homes but it is what it is .

FOURTH WEEK

Hello, I am starting this day off very well because I have very good news.  I have been admitted to Sup de Luxe. During this week, I have written two tests in English, in general cultures and two interviews one in French one in English. It was very stressful but it was a good experience.

I have never played as much with my little brother. He is growing so quickly it’s impressive. He ate his first baby food cup this week.

To celebrate Easter I made a lemon meringue pie to eat with chocolates 🙂

I miss my friends a lot. We talk on social media. The application I use the most is HouseParty because we can talk while seeing each other. I even watched a series through this application with a friend. It was fun.

See you

THIRD WEEK

I’m slowly getting used to the confinement. I cook very often, I clean everything at home.  The apartment has never been so clean and tidy. We try to spend time as a family and our ties are growing stronger. 

Saturday was my brother’s birthday. Although we were confined we celebrated it and it was fun.

Once a day I try to workout at home.  It’s very important, I want to continue living healthy. Even if in these conditions it is hard to have motivation.

I spent this week preparing an application file for an off parcoursup school. It required a lot of concentration to gather my strengths, my capacities and my ambitions for this type of learning. This school is focused on the luxury sector.  The program offers a variety of important subjects that interest me.

Finally, my father’s partner made us cotton masks. They are very useful for going out.

Have a lovely day everybody 🙂

Hi everyone, I should not be writing right now, since I’m 1 second to falling asleep. There is another good reason for that: I might just write how I feel about how I fail in most of the things I really like because generally, at that time of the night, every feeling that I have about myself is boosted times 100. I realise that this website is not a diary and that there is almost 40 people who are going to read this, but since I need to share how I’m feeling during lockdown sometimes, it’s a perfect opportunity.

It’s perfectly normal to feel a little depressed about something from time to time, especially if something really sad happened not so long ago in your life. In my case, nothing in particular happened to me lately. I think that when you give your best at something you really feel is going to turn out just fine, and doesn’t, you kind of want to abandon it totally… For example, when you have a passion like physics, generally understand most of what you’re learning of just reading; but then, the teacher introduces a new concept and you feel like you’re the only one to not understand it and the teacher won’t care whether you get it or not, and you can’t find any complementary information to help you out, some people would feel useless, completely dumb and that they suck at it. It’s like that one second, that one glitch that makes you feel like a tiny rock being thrown into a really, really deep well by a normal kid.

Let me tell you something, I might be thinking this as I am writing, but that kid, is your mind. It’s called pessimism and I really don’t like it if you know what I mean! It kind of gets me EVERYTIME to be honest. As an example, I have been playing the piano for 3 years and a half, on my own, but really often, I end up thinking “I suuuuuuck, why did I even put my fingers on these keys years ago?!” right after having thrown all my anger on my innocent keyboard.

You know what? This week, I built a grand piano shell for my synthesiser made exclusively out of cardboard, unfortunately, making it in only 3 to 4 days didn’t even make me proud of my creation, even though it’s just as I imagined it and stand pretty still (it also takes 1/4 of the remaining space in my bedroom). Now I’m not really telling a magical way to become satisfied with yourself and with what you do because it’s the most difficult thing to do for me but I know that 50% of the time, when my self-confidence is super low, it’s mostly because I’m tired and that in this state, finding a solution to what I’m doing is absolutely impossible. So just…chill out, go to bed, go eat a little, drink something refreshing, to get energetic and good enough to get back to what you were doing. As I said, I works, sometimes… Actually confinement slowly makes me realise how important sleep is. I think I should go to bed by the way.

One last little comment on my usual behaviour… I know you might sometimes feel like I’m looking down on other students or on you, and I’m really sorry for that. I actually don’t know why I do that, I even look down on myself ALL THE TIME and I don’t like it… I really want to change the way I’m acting in public, in class with everyone…but the thing is that I have no idea what I could start with…it’s all blur in my head, who I think I am for example. I’m basically always asking the same friends to help me because I feel like they are the kind of people to solve personal issues haha. Anyway, I have some time to work on myself so I think I could try!

P.S.: This post is clearly not as great as the previous ones but it’s late so good night everyone!

Brahms

At this time it is essential to stay at home to limit the spread of the disease, but for everyone it is very complicated.

Indeed, since the beginning of confinement I have seen through my window many people still come out, some family of my residence constantly in the course of the building in which I live to talk, play, bask in the sun, to the point where even people outside the residence come and go to talk with others. Of course, all this without complying with the instructions given by the government.

But when you think about it, you don’t say that staying locked up at home can drive some people crazy, especially the people alone or inadequately surrounded.

All of this because of the boredom, the feeling of turning round, the activities that we do have the long time, we do nothing anymore has the force of not knowing what to do, to end up in an impression of emptiness in our mind, all that we seek to do from then on serves only tried to fill this void in us.

From that moment on, the occupation search force, we do things that we would have tried without all that.

I’ve been writing a lot of short stories in the last few years, but I’ve been getting over it recently, and here’s one of them:

You wake up in the middle of the night. You’re half in the woods and your vision is pretty blurry. You lie on your back in bed. The only problem is that you can’t move. Actually, your body is paralyzed from head to toe. Only your eyeballs still have the ability to make movements. A little panicked, you try to raise one of your arms as your first reflex. Of course it is unsuccessful. Still, you try again and again. You’re starting to feel a little tiredness in your muscles. You’ve never had this experience before. You feel like hundreds of pounds lean against your body, which prevents any movement. The cold begins to make your skin shiver. You feel like your window has remained open while you remember closing it the day before. Fear is all at once. Stress also goes up, it gives a mixture of panic and terror. Without shouting beware, something gently blows against your ear. You can feel his icy breath running through your spine, while the sound of his wrecked breath reaches your ears. You panic even more, but you’re here, lying down, can’t do anything at all. Caught in fear, you try to wander around the room with your eyes when suddenly a dark and blurred humanoid face leans towards your gaze. You then spread your eyes and your breath accelerates. You feel like you’re suffocating. This face is slowly approaching. You see almost nothing as you are in the dark, but your eyes have had time to get used to the dark. The figure comes to rest and you feel his penetrating gaze staring at you with intensity. Fear transcends you, you close your eyelids strongly and pray in your head that it all stops. And here you have a light. “Why don’t I call for help?” do you think? You hear some noise coming from the next room. With a lot of difficulty, you’re trying to turn your head towards this one. During this moment, your neck refuses to follow the movement, but you decide to force the price of hearing the bones of it crack one by one, as if they were breaking. Happy that you finally managed to move a little, you opened your mouth gently. You feel that time is slowing and that this world is only a nightmare.
Open-mouthed, you shout with all your strength, calling for pitifully help. But all this in vain… no sound comes out of your throat. You feel helpless, helpless and this thing above you that always sets you without moving… You’d like to cry, but let’s cry the tears that won’t come out. At this moment, your greatest fear is to die or stay stuck in this position in the face of this morbid silhouette.

Eventually, you close your eyes again because fatigue will soon invade you. The next day you wake up sweaty. What happened? Did this really happen? Well, yes, all this is beautiful happened well… a sleep paralysis. Between awakening and sleep, at the mercy of the unhealthy spirit that lurks in your room, the worst scare often becomes reality.

Will you wake up before it’s too late?

I lost track of time, has it been 4 or 5 weeks, I don’t even know anymore. Time is flowing at such speed that it’s starting to gnaw my soul, and if that wasn’t enough i’m running low on ressources, i only got one bottle of water and one pack of skittles. One other enemy that all humans have encountered once in their life is bore, being able to entertain yourself is almost like a lost cause, the only social activity that we’re able to have is clapping our hands at 8 PM.

Ok, now to be a bit serious about this, I don’t thing confinement is that bad, their is some good side about it, I get to spend more time with my family which wasn’t the case before because of the work etc… also at the begin of the confinement I was able to do finish/continu stuff that I couldn’t do before the confinement, but of course I’m missing a lot of things such as going out with my friends, being able to party and also, believe it or not, go school, hopefully we’ll be able to go there again before the end of this year. Other thing that I wanted to add, i was able to go through a diagnostic and discover that I was infect by a disease called “le seum” , since my god damn 18th birthday is during the confinement and I can’t celebrate it with a giant party ( I know I’m not the only one).

This week, I found a camera, which has lived quite a while with my family, so I found some old family pictures with my brothers and my parents, which made me nostalgic because it’s been 4 years that I’ve been living alone with my parents, because my brothers are studying in another city and so we don’t see each other very often.

This discovery made us want to watch videos from the past for the Easter period with the egg hunt, there was a lot of laughter, a wave of nostalgia made me think about this period of confinement.

It’s true that we are often nostalgic, the proof during the confinement, we want to see our friends again, to go to a specific place, to find our daily life which allows us not to feel disoriented. That’s why I became even more aware of enjoying the present moment, because nostalgia is a very good feeling for me, but when will it be if I enjoy the present moment even more? Well the present is much better, so the past has been even better and so the future can only be even better.

It’s been a month now that we are locked up and I’m still waiting for the end of it. The government said that apparently we would be at the reaching point at the end of may and that we would be maybe able to go out at the end of June … it seems so far. 

My parents allow me to go out about 2 times a week otherwise I’m really annoying and we argue all the time. I don’t know what people think about “the applause time” at 8pm but I don’t usually do it because most of the time people who applause are the one who go out for a walk (like I do obviously) and I don’t think it’s fair because if you applause that means that you support the medical people and that you don’t go out like the president said.